Hope started with retention
Hope started the day I began learning how to control & understand my sexual energy using Taoist and Tantric practises & retaining semen.
Depression & Suicidality feels like an entity outside of your body is in control of your emotions – there is no link between what you experience and what you feel – so nothing YOU do affects or improves your state.
Gaslighting & Cognitive Dissonance
The problem is there is a difference between what IS good and what we are TOLD is good and that creates a strong suicidal urge – because we are being gaslit on a daily basis (cognitive dissonance) – but we can’t SEE the reality of how our life is being sucked out of us. If we did SEE “it” we would know what to fix & how to fix it: there would be a clear path and way out that wouldn’t require anything harmful.
Semen Retention is not EVERYTHING in this journey but its a HUGE first step to seeing where your energy is leaking and towards creating a life of freedom and bliss.
I distanced myself from people so my “crazy” didn’t rub off on them, so that in case a different version of me showed up tomorrow at least if we were not close I wouldn’t have been able to disappoint them.
Having everything the planet says you should have but still feeling empty on a daily basis. Feeling hypersensitive, anxious and ungrounded every day.
Depression is normalised
You become hyper aware of this dormant quiet desperation during some moments, then the depression sleeps once again. Everyone around you is suffering in the same way – yet we all just continue on – surely there is more to life?
The world pats you on the back the more you give your soul away. The more you deplete and destroy yourself unsustainably the more you get rewarded.
When you dont have a void, you can Invest
It wasn’t an over night success, but over months and years the suicidality disappeared and I stopped having to “consume” endless holidays to feel good.
I could finally “sit” still for a moment, pay off the credit cards, and start saving up for a better future, and create passive income and become freer.
